What is it to be a man in the 21st Century

Floating through google while waiting for Cubbies highlights (which turned out to be lowlights) I came across this PSA to all men. I figure each person has thier own definition on what it is to be a man, and a woman, so because it's my blog, I will present what this one person thinks, and then my thoughts on her choices.

...From Right Thinking Girl what it means to be a man.

* Eat meat. Real men eat meat; you need the protein and iron. It makes your muscles stronger and there's something very sexxxy and primative about watching a guy eat a steak. Agreed. I'm one who believes that humans were meants to eat meat, in fact we have incisors for a reason. On the primitiveness of it, I didn't kill it, I didn't freeze it, unless your a butcher, there is nothing barbaric about eating meat- it's just what our spieces was meants to do.

* Shave your face. We want to see your face and we can't see through the fuzz. Plus, it feels better when you kiss us. Since I can't grow facial hair (except for my chin scruff), I'll buy this one. That being said, if you like having facial hair, so long as it is trimmed, and kept, it shouldn't propose a problem.

* We secretly do want to control every aspect of your life. We don't want to admit it though, so maybe you could just keep pretending you don't know that. That's fine, but when it comes time for us men to get a little controlling/jealous, let us have our moment in the sun...otherwise, the next time you try to become controlling it's not going to go over so well. A partner should be just that, a partner, throughout the life of a relationship, everything should generally average out to be equal.

* Work out. A man doing pushups.... nothing sexier. NOTHING. Good call.

* We will expect you to defend us if someone breaks into our home. You may have to kill somebody. If you're not prepared for that, please tell us during the dating phase, before we sleep with you, so we can reject you and find someone else with better instincts. It's not about having to kill anyone...the decision to kill/maim someone to protect not only our safety but our woman's as well is just that, our decision. What a man's main focus should be is to make sure he can think well enough to take control of the situation and place all peoples in safe situations. When a safe situation becomes unsafe, then it is the job of that clear-thinking man to bring the two of you to a safe place.

* We know you like us to look nice enough that your friends are thinking "I'd do her". In order for us to know we're there, it wouldn't kill you to say we look nice. By doing so, it ensures you'll get some play later. Everybody wins. Fair enough. BTW- fellas, you really should make sure to share how physically attracted you are to your woman...they know we men are visual people, so this works in a means to say, I am happy that I am with you...if you can also talk about how fulfilling they are to your life because of thier mind- you are a hot commodity.

* You don't have to make more money than us, but it would be great if you're a genius with balancing the checkbook. In terms of a long-term commited relationship, the amount of money I agree should not be about the amount, however in said relationship the attempt should be made to make sure that the finacial burdens are seemingly equal.

* Know the directions. I'm not saying you have to stop and ask for directions. Lisa and I both agree it's very hot when a guy is lost and finds his way all by himself. We love logical brains. Don't let bitchy women bully you into asking for directions, or into doing anything else you don't want to do. Ok, I disagree. Not that I've ever been lost (not one word), but I would much rather stop and ask for directions when I am feeling that I have NO IDEA where I am at, or we are running late. Furthermore, I would much rather ask for directions and get laughed at for a little bit then to get bitched at for being late.

* Let us hit your biceps as much as we want. We're fascinated by them because no matter how much we work out, ours aren't going to be as big and sexy as yours. It's comforting to just ball up our fist and gently punch that really tight muscle. It reminds us how big and strong you are. Um....does that mean that for those women who talk all the time we get to punch you in the face (where your motor mouth muscle is)? I don't think so. If you are going to do it, just to do it....then don't. These arms are to hold you...not to double as a punching bag ladies.

* No male sarongs. It's just wrong. Don't wear skirts and don't carry purses (even by any other name, ie, the "European Carryall"). Men who have purses (or caryalls), well, get a briefcase. As a man you have already been programed to remember that traditional fashion for men is always in fashion. Wear a suit, carry a briefcase, or if you are slumming it, wear a t-shit and jeans and a sports bag....and what the hell is a sarong. Whatever it is, I'm sure that it would be so-rong for a man to wear one (HAHAHA, I'm a verbal genious).

* We snoop. Like dogs on a fresh warm kill, we snoop like the infowhores we are. Be a gentleman and remove anything that might offend us. Absolutely not!!! You want to snoop...then become a dectective. If you want to know ask. Point blank and period. Case and point, Sex and The City. What happened when Carrie was snooping through that wonderful guy's apt (in the Circus Freak episode)? She looked like a total insecure bitch, and she let a great man slip through her hands...take note.

* Own a gun. Or at least a baseball bat. Or be as big as Vin Diesel. We want to feel safe. Feeling safe is fine, however in return let us feel safe that we won't have to use them when finding you messing around on the side.

* Keep your hair short. It looks better (even Johnny Depp recently buzzed his) and it's much more masculine. Unless you can pull long hair off, listen to the ladies on this one. Guys with long hair who are you fooling? The rest of us guys know that you are plauged with horrible body hair anyway. Keep it short.

* Do not put up with nagging. From anyone. It's emasculating and it never accomplishes anything. (Ladies, either learn to live with it or shut up.) How about calling a spade a spade. If you want to nag- become a mother. Until you pop a bun out of the oven, remind yourselves that we are not your children (even though we act like children sometimes, in those cases, that still doesn't mean that you get to play the role of mother). If you want to nag us, call our moms and have them nag us. We want to love you, not fear you.

* Do not even get into a discussion about the toilet seat. What you do in the bathroom is your own private business. Guys should leave the seat down...'nuf said.

* Valentine's Day is a great time for flowers and stuff but we know you're doing it because of peer pressure. Better to bring the flowers on a really bad day to cheer us up, and then doing something else entirely for Valentine's Day. Men have conformed to Valentine's Day (and some have even conformed to Sweetest Day)...so enjoy what you get ladies. Men, do what you do. If you don't like the way your man treats you, say something or leave. Not all of us are made of money...grow us a flower garden so we can have a fresh lot to steal from.

* Be nice to other women but don't flirt. It makes us cranky and you can't get away with it because you're pretty much under global surveillance (yes, even you). You do it and we'll find out and it'll be a nasty evening. Just be a gentleman. Ladies, let's be real, we can't even look at other women, let alone talk to them without you on our backs. Knowing this, men don't ever talk to or look at another woman...nod and smile politely.

* Do not let your girl demand every spare minute you have. She might like it in the short run, but eventually she'll resent you for not having a life. Better yet, try to include each other into your social circles...sounds dumb, but I'd much rather have a relationship where there are no worries about who the other is with...opening up to who you hang out with breeds inclusion into your life. If you hide them, you're hiding part of yourself.

* Don't try to have sex with a girl before the third date, but make sure you let her know you want to. (She wants to feel wanted, respected and desired but not pressured). This is 2005...women control the sexual encounters.

* Play a sport. We want to be able to be really proud when you take off your shirt while playing soccer in the park. We like to see how sportsmanlike you really are. It's very cute watching you handle an unfair ruling of some kind, or even one you just don't agree with. Fair enough, but be supportive about it.

* We want every girl to want you, and only us to have you. Fair enough...guys, one good way to help this senario to happen is when you are out with the lady friend meeting her friends, speak softly, slowly, and only when spoken to.

* Don't be afraid of bugs. Sorry..no dice

* Help us with unweildly grocery bags, open the door for us (every single time), and say please and thank you. Manners are important. But be careful not to be her slave. You're a man, not a servant. You're supposed to protect us, love us, and care for us, but not be so worshipful that your body no longer produces testosterone. Agreed. Men, open every door- including the car door. Make a fucking effort, and show you aknowledge thier exsistence outside of the bedroom.

* Expect your girl to service you in the bedroom any time you want. Seriously. Sometimes you just have to grab her and tell her she's going to whether she wants to or not. But do it nicely. If she complains, remind her that she's so gorgeous that you can't help yourself. Eh, this is a toss up. Prior to entertaining a relationship, men are taught nowadays to be careful of what we do. In a relationship then, some of us are more careful about forcing anything. Love should be an equal expression. If you can't tell when your partner gives you "that look" fellas, you're going to be wondering why it's all quiet on the home front.