A good week up ahead...and the aggrivations continue

The next seven days look pretty good to me- A visit with my dad in N(owhere). IL, a visit with my mom and brothers, a Brewers/Cubs game (my first visit to the new park in Milwaukee), 2 huge league games and another on the 2nd that I have been promised to start and play the entire time, and also a date with the cutie I have been seeing tomorrow. Here is the team's website.

Just some tips for those who some might call a friend;
- If you came to a party with someone, and espicially if that person is a girl, make sure they have a safe way to get home before you decide to ditch them at a party.
-Run crowd control if someone is trying to make an oppertunity of a drunk friend.

Today I had my first picnic date. We went to the Minehaha Falls, located in far southeast Minneapolis. Never really enjoying the outdoors while I was younger, I am trying to get out a little more when it is warm up here to see some of the beautiful outdoors here, before winter begins in a few weeks. What is nice is having a much different work schedule this summer to be able to get ready for a picnic at 10am, and being able to get 6+ hours of sleep before hand. Even more amazing is having someone who actually WANTS to come along with, something I didn't have the last 2 1/2 years.

Along the drive down, I finally got to see the light-rail system Minneapolis has finally gotten up and running. While admittedly, yes it's not Chicago's fantastic system, I guess it is something. The sad thing is that while there are some political big-whigs who want the Minneapolis/St. Paul metro to grow and expand they have many things to work on before they are even able to try and recruit big companies:
- First the transportation situation is an absolute mess here- we have one 8 lane interstate, and many miles of important highway that is only 4 lanes. With the addidtion of a poorly planned and utilized light-rail system, how would the metro facilitate to the wanted 200,000 more people a certain govenor wants to bring in?
- Next, while I understand that every area has it's problem with this, the Minnesota/WI/IA/Dakotas area is largely populated with racists. They are discriminitive against minorities (St. Paul is seemingly bigited against homosexuals), and many who are not from the area. How are people from other more accepting cities going to want to come here, when the area doesn't want the people they have here now?
- Lastly, the school system is in shables here. Now I do understand it's not well much of anywhere these days, unless you can find a way to pay for a private school, or be lucky enough to find your way into a rich neighborhood, it's worthless to even think about moving here. A heard a news report tonight that the fourth year in a row of budget cuts (read- teachers being fired) have just been passed. If you think this is just something that has to happen, think real hard, and read Snugg Harbor's entry from 6/26/04 and try to remember yourself.

As a republican I applaude W's plan to try to get the bad teachers out of the schools, but I know somewhere in all these budget cuts that competent, and even good teachers are getting the axe too. How about we start getting rid of some unecessary programs instead. For one, why was my (at the time) 6,7,8 year old brother progressing through early elementary school learning computers? Yes, yes I know they are an important tool to the present-day, but com'mon- I want my children to know how to read Jules Vern, not instant messenger eaze. Why are people trying to slay physical eduation? Everytime I walk around, work, go to class, all I see are overwieght people? It might not help much, but God damn it! I must say that the PE classes are the most activity some kids see in the entire week. Yes video games and the computer are fun, but tell your kids to go outside (I know you tried dad), or take them somewhere. You can put down the brewski and turn off one ball game to get your kid outside.

Now granted, I do not have kids on my own, but one day I will. Yes, yes I know that some will say, "Hey, talk to me when you have yours and when you work 40 hours a week." Excuses are all they are my friend, it is part of the territory. Kids are not just something to keep the wife busy anymore, because in our world they have to work full-time now too. I swear I am so sick of parents not knowing how to friggin' parent thier kids. On the way down to our picnic tonight my date and I saw a kid (fat) kid was left in the median of a major highway, while his mom ignored the traffic signs to run her (fat) but across the street.

I am not saying I have all the answers, in fact many of my dumi-cractic friends point that out to me all the time. However if we were able to take a few moments to try and fix the ills of society maybe, just maybe I will to be able to not have any reservations about bringing a child into the world. Until the next time, shut your mouth if you do not know what you are talking about, and GO CUBS!

A selfish move, or another mature decision?

Yesterday afternoon after only playing 3 innings of defense, and 7 plate appearances (1-5 with 2 walks, and 3 runs scored for those scoring at home), I e-mailed my team's owner and General Manager and told them that I will not be playing for them any longer this season. Now for those of you who know me know that baseball has been and will continue to be my religion, my life. Growing up in those crazy 1990s, baseball was the only thing that was a constant in my life. Because my Dad was in the Navy we moved around a lot, but to every place we moved to, there was of all things baseball. In a nut shell that is why I love the game so much.

So it might come as a shock that knowing that, or me personally that I would do this regardless of the playing time I received. However the amount of money I am spending per week when it comes to gas to travel to the games, chew(ing tobacco), among other things, has left me working paycheck to paycheck. That normally wouldn't be a big deal, but this is summer, and I have a job where I can work 100 hours a week if I so choose to. I have gone from last summer where I made around $500-$600 of expendable income a month, to this summer, where I have maybe $150. So wasting money to sit on the bench just wasn't a smart decision. I am dying this morning because I know that I do not have many years left to be able to go out and play, because I am honest that life will demand more of my time than I want it to, and along with family and kids time will become a shrinking asset. I will try again next year to find a team that might not be the best of the best, but will have a spot open for a guy who plays hard, even though he might not have all the tools necessary to be a consistent star.

Understanding all of that, what is left of the summer is going to be spent working hard and playing hard. Even if everything goes perfectly I have at least one more summer before I have to really enter the "real world." So I want to be able to be a college kid just for one more go 'round. I want to be able to hang with my friends at the bar. I want to be able to plan a date and not have to begin it after doing the baseball thing, rushing home, rushing through the shower and shaving *ouch*, and then realizing that nothing is open at 10:30 in the pm. For the rest of the summer I can deal with not playing ball, but again I'll be damned if you don't see me with more drive and desire than I ever had.

Trouble with Never

I gave some dap (some good words for you older folks) to Gary Allen last posting, so I thought it might be just as well to give some dap to Tim McGraw whose CD "A Place in the Sun" hasn't left my CD player in a good week now. Fittingly enough here are is the lyrics for a song I can't think is fitting enough for anyone just trying to stop thinking so much.

If I never bring her flowers, I'll never see her smile
If I never try to kiss her, she'll never drive me wild
And I'll never feel the need to say those three little words
But the trouble with never is never never works

I know how to stay carefree, let no one get a hold on me
But I can't keep my hands off her
There's something different 'bout this girl

If I never let me love her, I'll never settle down
And I'll never put roots in this God forsaken town
And I'll never say I do or step foot in a church
But the trouble with never is never never works

I know how to stay carefree, let no one get a hold on me
But I can't keep my hands off her
There's something different 'bout this girl

yeah, But the trouble with never is never never works

This weekend is going to be filled with some good parties, so where ever you'll be I'll be having a beer for you. Keep it clean and no blows below the belt (sorry Clinton we're playing by Republican rules now ;)).

Enough is enough...

I have been in a relative funk prior to the last two weeks, and it has nothing to do with anything in particular, it has come to me that it has just because I have been pressuring myself so hard that things don't come as easy as they might have, or that I believe that Thai should. The first example deals with baseball. Just in dealing with warm-up throws and infield practice, I have just been thinking too much to make throws that I know I can make. However this weekend was an eye-opener in what I can do if I just go out there with a clear head. It took 14 games, but Sunday was the first infield practice that I failed to make a throwing error. Also minor things are starting to come around, like instead of throwing like I did when I pitched (i.e. using many different arm-angles, and turning my wrist in many different ways to get different spins on the ball), I am now learning that my pitching days, at least in competitive baseball are over, and I have now begun to revert back to throwing the ball as an infielder, which has helped my teammates out, because they don't have to worry about chasing errant throws.

Secondly in dealing with women I had just been trying way too hard to get over my ex that I had pushed myself a little early in trying to find someone who could take her place, instead of just dating around to see what is out there. In doing so I left myself open to that dreaded rebound complex. Somehow, some way, I was able to not fall into that, and I believe that it is paying off for me now. Many of my friends would listen to my horrible dating stories, and then offer up the dreaded, "You will eventually find someone, and hopefully she's something special, because you deserve someone who is just as nice as you are." My theory on that is that no one deserves anything, especially when it comes to love. I am a nice, good person, because I want to be, not because I am waiting to reap any benefits. I am good to my friends, because I know that given the opportunity they would do the same for me. If anything the only people that really deserve anything are those who work their asses off for minimum wage just to support themselves, and who can barely afford housing in the worst parts of America's cities.

Anyway, I have been dating this one girl for the past two weeks, and the first time I even met her was at a party I threw after finals. She was super intoxicated, and didn't think much of it that she was (because hey, we've all been there). I gave her a place to crash, and I helped her to my buddy's car, and she went home safely with him, and his girlfriend. It wasn't until a few weeks later that my buddy's girlfriend, who is this girl's cousin set us up. I went into it thinking it was worth a shot, because hey nothing worth anything was coming along. Since then however, I have been continued to be surprised on how great of a girl she is. She's 20, and a college student who will be graduating soon from a smaller school in Minneapolis, and who has goals (yes the schooling and goals are huge, because contrary to popular belief, very few women in their 20s have those two). She is absolutely gorgeous, and unlike other girls with her physical attributes, she can think for herself, doesn't run in a pack, and isn't conceded. Up until tonight, well this morning now, I kept thinking what was it that she saw in me that kept her calling, and coming out on dates with me, but that has stopped now.

Long story short, I have been taking things slow, and getting a feel of where I am in wanting another relationship or not. I very much hope that she will be great enough to understand where I am at right now if I don't feel like I'm ready for something serious. I have no doubt that she would which is helping me to just enjoy what is happening right now, and watching her and I grow into something that might possibly lead to a situation for me that is better than any I have before.

My rant for the time being does deal with my ex, who gave me a drunk phone call about a week ago, and has been trying to play the friend card recently. How can one person be so stupid to cheat on someone who loved them, only to call hoping that, that same person will come running back to them with open arms? It is just too bad for her that I don't care anymore. I used to care, but I don't anymore... for a time I felt like I needed to get into relationships (and stay in them) when out of helpfulness not love or affection was my role in the relationship. Well I am not that guy anymore, nor am I trying to portray myself as that, so as far as I'm concerned I'm moving on, and she can bring other people she knows down instead of me- and that right there my friends is one of the many reasons why I am feeling the best that I have felt in a long, long time.

Larry King, do your thing...
- Carlos Zambrano, brought up my me it seems every week, is a up-and-coming star. This shows more so after he pitched more than 6 innings last weekend while he had the flew. His ticket to the All-Star game next month is punched as far as I am concerned.
- One of the best albums of the last 5 years is Garry Allen's Smoke Rings in the Dark. No, not every song is a hit, and sure, I don't particularly like one or two songs, but damn it is just a fantastic country/blues album.
- My baseball team has won 4 in a row, and we have our tournament this coming weekend. There is a team from Chicago coming up, so I will definitely be trying to score some connections should I decide to move to Chicago once I am done. Their team has gone through a massive change due to the acquiring of good pitching, and they are now a force in the 2nd largest amateur baseball league in the country, the Mid-West Suburban League.
- Lastly, the fact that many are being prosecuted for downloading music off of the Internet is appalling and should be stopped. Yeah sure, they might be stealing music, but where is the voice of the little people that is screaming that a Britney Spears album should never cost over $13 when it only costs just under $2 to produce the CD and the materials? I'm all for companies making all the money they can, until it begins to hurt society, and currently the record companies in association with their marketing machines known as MTV and VH1, and tearing apart American by promoting whores, and miscreants to the young masses.

That's all for now.

The idea that is either hit or miss...

I have a buddy who dated a girl who has a cousin I'm in to (for you older types, that's a way of saying causally that I like her). We had a nice little date last Sunday, and now I am trying to plan something to put my name out there so to speak. I was thinking of something for the past few says that just might do that, or quite possibly find out if she wants a friend, or something more.

This crazy idea is a scavenger hunt designed so that each clue would give her a line like, "My family, baseball, etc. is important to me, so get your next clue at (insert place here." Everyone that I've run the idea by thinks it would be a great idea, which had gotten me kind of hyped about it. There is still that nagging voice in my head saying to wait and see how interested she is, but that voice is going to get pushed aside, because I'm going through with it.

The date I had Sunday night was really the first *cough* good date *cough* since before I was with my ex (I'm obviously not including the dates with my ex), which makes that over 2 and a half years ago- needless to say I'm out of practice. She came over and we had a nice home-cooked spaghetti dinner (yes, that I cooked). We shared a decent conversation, and from there we decided to take a walk.  We went back to my place to watch a movie, and she went home for the night.

I can't say I was disappointed with any part of the night, however being out of the dating loop for so long I do tend to wonder if I should have done this or that. I'm sure that when a situation does come along I'll know it and go from there. I'm going to take things slow, and if it's too slow for her then I'm sure I'll hear something from her cousin, or maybe she'll move on, but better safe than sorry, because I don't want to rush into anything by any means.

This weekend we play 4 games in 3 days commencing with a double header on Sunday. My playing time is no where near what I was told, so I'm getting kind of disappointed, but because I'm a rookie I am divided on how to bring up the problem to my coach. At this point what could it hurt to ask? If he says yeah sure we'll give you a shot, great, or if he says keep your mouth shut, then we'll take it from there. We've lost 3 in a row, and the problem isn't talent, because we're stacked with it, the problem is just defense and getting guys to hit with runners in scoring possistion.

WARNING

UCAUTION

IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP THE DEUCE IS LOOSE AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.

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Another Friday, another good start to the weekend

My stock has been rising the last few days, because of the continuation of good situations I am putting myself in mentally. I got a call from the ex Friday, and when those happen, I am able to feel better about myself, because I no longer have her negativity, and her “there is nothing I can I can do about it” attitude in my life. I am continuing to move on and recollect my own thoughts, ambitions, and dreams. I am realizing now that life isn’t a constant struggle if you go with the flow, and try not to live on premises that go against logic and/or trying to live in a dream world. Love will come to me when it is ready to, and I am in no hurry. There are fantastic things in my life, and the world is my oyster, and that’s what I am running with. Helping me in the running is a great family support system, along with great friends. I certainly am blessed.

My baseball game got cancelled last night, and it was the 2nd consecutive game called because of the monsoon season we are currently in here in Minnesota, and it was the 6th game cancelled overall. It is nice to see that the Cubs are going to be adding Sammy Sosa and Kerry Wood back to the team within the next two weeks, and as the debate rages on who is more important to the team, the fact of the matter is that to compete at the level this team is capable we need everyone on this team to do his part. My former fav, Corey Patterson, needs to realize that hitting high fastballs are something left to Moises Alou, Mo Vaughn, and Jeff Bagwell. I never believed he should have been #1 or #2 in the batting order, but after this spring, hitting in the 3 hole sounded like it might work, however it is evident that with Sammy out of the lineup, and with the rest of the line-up not producing he is reverting back to his first two years in the majors. Once Sammy comes back, and more so if he gets hot quickly, you will see the Patterson that Chicago fans came to love before his unfortunate injury last year. This team is going places, and that is evident after you look over the 25 man roster that we’ve had in the last month to two months, and realize the Cubs haven’t been below .500 since early April.

Making another appearance, here is your Larry King moment of the week…
- I really like the Cubs chances to take 3 of 4 from the Astros this week if and only if, the Cubs can consistently score just 4 runs a game.
- Mark Prior will not get back to where he was ability wise, until he gets through the lesson of his 2nd loss of the season.
- Carlos Zambrano is the Cubs #1 pitcher of 2004, and he HAS the best potential of any of the Cubs pitchers.
- If you are even following it right now, the Cowboys will be a Super Bowl contender, but the most improved team just might be Denver- but it won’t matter if they cannot stay healthy.
- The college baseball scene could be just as exciting as the college basketball scene, if you were able to equate the college ball from the rest of professional ball. Meaning that those kids should not longer be swinging alumninum bats(or whatever the hell they are using nowadays). Once you put wood bats in the hands of these young kids, I’m telling you it will make the fans happier to see better baseball, and it will make the scouting carer easier, because you can now see what these kids might be able to do in the big leagues. Have you ever heard of Warren Morris? Most likely you haven’t. He was the MVP of the College World Series years back when LSU took home the title, but since, he’s been a below average hitter, who I believe in still in Detroit. Com’mon you NCAA retards, institute the wood bats.
- If you like to listen to a little rap music every now and then check out two Chicago rappers in Twista and Kanye West. Maybe just maybe Chicago’s rap scene will grow they way I thought it might have when a group named Crucial Conflict came out in 1996.

That’s all for now, coming up is 6 games in 10 days, as well as our tournament that includes a team coming up from the league in Chicago that I played in last year. It’ll be great to make some contacts seeing that I very well might be going to UIC or Depaul in the Fall of 2005 to finish out my college career. More on that next time.

A broken heart takes a long time to mend

It has been almost two months since I found my girlfriend of over two years sleeping in bed with some other guy, and while I’m feeling good about knowing I can put myself first, there are some times that I just sit and need to be a little down, last night at work was one of those night for me. People try to help, and most do with lines like, “keep busy”, “stay strong”, and “I’m here if you need me.” Well being a night person the last thing I want to do is bother someone while they are getting their sleep on.

It’s nights like last night that get me thinking about what might have been. What might have happened had everything gone different? Would I have reall proposed to her by now? Was it truly meant to be? Then I begin to ask myself what would have happened had I had my baseball bats, or my golf clubs in my car? Would I have been tempted to bring them inside with me? Would the anger that I had flowing through me really push me to use them had I had them? Things that night worked out well, because I had a great, great friend, my third dad I call him, because he has always been there for me, and even at 4am, he was just a phone call away.

His name is Amelious, and he came into my life as my fraternity’s advisor. Since then our friendship has grown into a friendship that I maybe share with only those in my immediate small family circle. He set me on the right path in coping with this awful event. By helping me to realize that quickly I had to decide if what we had was worth working it out (but really how can one ever learn to trust after walking into what I did?) or realize that she was not ready for a strong committed life-long relationship like I was, and move on. I obviously chose to move on, but in doing so there are always the aforementioned questions.

In the two months sit, I still haven’t been able to break down and cry about it. There have been moments when the heart flutters around the good times, and the goose bumps come out, but the barrage of tears never seem to sprout. While I am a male, I am sensitive enough to let myself cry, whether alone or in the presence of others. Whatever the reason is, if I had one question I could ask God, it would be why I can’t just break down and cry about this situation?

I have been dating since then and I have met everything, but that girl who turns out to me a man (BTW, at this point I know that date is coming). I met the 20-something with a kid, I met that one girl who is a sexaholic, I met the girl who is all-gears a-go for a relationship, just so that she can have sex with a clear conscious by saying, “I have only had sex with boyfriends.” I have been hit on by girls with boyfriends, and ignored by the girls who think that dating me would be dating way lower than their standards. I’ve seen it all (except for that cross-dresser) in my few years of dating, and while very little surprises this guy anymore, I know that somewhere something is waiting for me.

My advice I guess in this sobbing entry is that for all of those lonely hearts out there, keep your family close to you, because they will not judge you, and maybe they might be able to give you advice coming from outside your peer group (unless your parents are less then a generation older than you). Make sure that if you choose to stay apart, you stick to your guns. Make damn sure that you only talk to them when you are ready to, and make no mistake about it, the worst thing you can do is try to fool yourself into thinking that this pain will ever go away. Don’t forget to stay busy!

In closing, the Lord works in mysterious ways, and that the meek might inherit the Earth, but can’t we inherit the moon or something? I mean com’mon this planet is becoming a cesspool of liars, beggars and vagabonds.

Last weekend is a good place to start

Last Friday night, my good buddy Vern threw a party at his place, and for the first time in a long time I was able to enjoy my time off of campus. Good times were had by all, and hey, hey, I even got hit on my some chick, it's just too bad she has a boyfriend. All in all, this entire dating things sucks. For one thing money is kinda tight around this time of year, because the huge amount of hours won't be paid to me until July 1st. Along with that I have met/dated the entire psychotic ward all-star team. It's sad that the most normal person I have met who is currently single is my ex, which makes everything even harder, because her dumb actions ruined a great thing. Over 2 years have almost been a waste, because I found her in bed with some other guy a few months ago, but at the same time everything happens for a reason. I just hope that I am able to understand why pretty soon.
I had to get a new celly Sunday, and the one I got is great, because I have yet to see it in the Minneapolis/St. Paul metro area. You can check it out Here. Yeah it looks a tad feminie, but you know what, it's a lot better than the clunking clam phone I've had for the past 2 years. Speaking of which, with my ol' cell phone in the tech graveyard, I am unable to get into my phone book. So if you could e-mail me your phone number so I can put you back into my phone.
Tonight is another match-up between the Cardinals and Cubs in Wrigley, along with a celebration, because it's Andy's 21st birthday after midnight, so we'll celebrate not only a Cubs killing of the redbirds, but also another friend crossing the adult line. Which brings me to the obvious fact of the day- beer companies make a lot of money because a night of buying Miller Light (please send me my free case for the name drop Miller people) is ALWAYS going to be cheaper than buying cocktails all night, and so once everyone I know turned 21, they become beer drinkers, and you rarely hear them say that they don't like beer anymore. Andy, you're time to quit saying you don't drink beer anymore is coming up, get used to it.
The Larry King portion of this entry will end my initial post..
- I like the Cubs chances with Merker and Remlinger back, and with Joe "Hey I played in the Mexican League" Blowoski on the DL.
- The Cubs will win 4 of 6 against the Black Sox this year.
- Speaking of the Black Sox, yes I like them too, because living this far north, and in an American League town, you have to root for your home team, so shut up when I say, GO CUBS and GO White Sox.
- If you are single, conversative, have no kids, and go to the University of Minnesota, drop me a line.
- Moving on to hockey, and I never, NEVER say this, but the Calgary Flames deserve to win the Cup only because they are in Canada, and the NHL has raped the league of Canadian teams.
- Let me raise a toast to formor Presiden Regan for what he did to swing the country from the inflation times, into the go-go 80s, where money was king.
- Bush will win the '04 election only because Kerry isn't Hillary Clinton (who the Dumicrats want in '08.

At no time during the taking of the picture were there any other x-mas accesories that harmed.
Another rant from the Upper Midwest